Many years ago, a dear friend gave me a small, colorful, refrigerator magnet with the following statement:
“A true friend overlooks your broken gate and admires the flowers in your garden.”
That friend has since passed on, however, that magnet continues to occupy its original spot and reminds me of the special bond we shared.
As with most of us in life, we grow and change. Over time, those words have taken on a greater depth of meaning.
A couple of insights . . .
The author of the thought doesn’t say a true friend ignores your broken gate, however they do make the choice to overlook it. Why is this so important?
How “true” is a friend if they [or I] do not have the courage to speak the truth in love? For example, if you believe my attitude or behavior towards others or myself on a particular issue or concern lacks compassion or empathy, would it not be loving to say something?
Now one has to use wisdom in these situations, otherwise we may cause more harm than good. If we use a critical tone or come across as being judgmental, we are much less likely to be heard.
So, what does a broken gate look like?
For better or worse, the list of possibilities could be as lengthy as the diversity of people who populate our lives.
Some of us may be restless or impatient. Others are quick to anger. Still others may be slow to take action. Some seem to be afraid of their shadow. There are those who hesitate to speak up, or the opposite, prone to dominate conversations.
Each one of us bring an extensive collection of life experiences to any and all of our relationships, regardless of how long they have existed. For most of us, those things others may view as broken are not new to us. We are uncomfortably aware of what might need to be changed or transformed.
An attitude of gratitude goes a long way, in life in general, and certainly as we interact with those on the path. When we choose to focus on the flowers, we soon realize the special gifts each unique person carries with them. And likely, the aspects of their character and personality that may have drawn us to one another in the first place.
The gift of that simple little magnet is an indication of two people, imperfect beings for sure, who were committed to overlooking the stuff of life that, if allowed, can get in the way of a meaningful relationship. I will forever be grateful for her.
Do I tend to focus on the broken stuff when it comes to relationships? Why?
How do I feel about overlooking the broken gate, in any relationship?
Can I ask God to help me speak the truth in love, if necessary?
