Oh, how many times have I [or my beloved] uttered that sentiment? And—and this is a big one—if we chose to act on the urge, find ourselves in a bit of a fix. And not the one we intended to . . . well, fix.
The tendency to want to fix things runs deep in most of us. All of which is well and good if the fixing has to do with leaky pipes, a broken dish, or a scraped knee. The problems begin to emerge when we decide ‘the other guy’ needs fixed.
If fixing something that is broken or doesn’t work right is generally a responsible action, why do we need to let go of the idea that we are qualified—or even the best person—to ‘fix’ people?
In a word—ego. For reasons known only to each of us, we make a plan and resolve to carry out that plan, usually with the best of intentions. As if we know exactly what the other person needs.
Our attempts to fix other people can stir lots of unwelcome consequences:
To want to fix what I’ve decided is wrong with them really means to make them more like me. Ouch. Yet oh so true. For example: like many families, members of ours are all over the place with their political views. If we allow spirited discussions to devolve into criticism or judgement, we miss out on the insight or wisdom others have to offer. We just might be surprised with what we could learn.
To want to fix what I’ve decided is wrong with them really means I’m unwilling to accept them as they are. If we’re being honest, most of us know there are aspects of our behaviors and actions that need to change or evolve. At the same time, none of us appreciate someone else deciding the what, when, where, why, or how that needs to happen. I have a dear friend who says and does things I’d never attempt. Nonetheless, she has been an amazing role model for me over the years. Had I tried to ‘fix’ her to be more like me, I’d have missed the opportunity to grow and become more confident in who God has created me to be. And, yes, the blessing goes two ways when we let go of trying to make others into our image and likeness.
To want to fix what I’ve decided is wrong with them really means I want to avoid that which is different—translate uncomfortable—to my way of thinking or feeling. We all have ‘em. At least one family member or friend who seem to go through life without any filters. Doesn’t matter the circumstance or the people present, they invariably say or do something that unsettles the room. While none of us look forward to being in this kind of predicament, ignoring what just happened may not be the best way to handle the situation. Take a few moments to discern. What if a better choice is to take a deep breath and ask the person to elaborate on their comment or action? It’s no secret that from a Divine perspective, God often works through our discomfort to ‘fix’ what we human beings cannot.
Which leads us to the ultimate and most effective DIY method—turn our desire to fix people over to the Master Builder, the Great Healer, the Divine Lover of our souls, our Triune God. The bottom line is this—if any fixing needs to be done, we can trust the One to do what is in the best interest of that person.
When we make this choice we can rest in the assurance the appropriate tools, the timing, and the plan will be perfect. In the meantime, we can strive to become the best kind of encouragers. We can serve others by embracing the most meaningful fix available to us—Jesus’ example of love and compassion.
Am I one of those who tend to want to fix others? Why?
How do I feel if another person attempts to fix me?
Can I ask God for the love and grace to accept others as they are?
Can I trust God to be the wise and loving fixer?
