Seems the Divine knew I needed to relearn a difficult yet valuable lesson in recent days. It goes something like this:
Personal boundaries are necessary and healthy.
Gates are meaningful and helpful.
Compassionate, loving Christians need to know both serve purposes for the greater good.
It wasn’t until the end of the week, and through the kind words of a dear friend, that I realized I had pretty much ignored these three important points as they pertained to one of my close relationships. In my desire to “care and assist”, I slowly but surely dissolved into a pile of physical, emotional, and intellectual exhaustion. Never a great idea, regardless of how much we want to be of service to others.
As I prayed, confessed the error of my way to God and begged him for healing and restoration, I acknowledged, once again, why “no, or not now” [a kind of boundary] may be the best gift we can give others as well as ourselves.
Personal boundaries are necessary and healthy.
Why is it we think or feel that to set a personal boundary is to be unkind or selfish? Especially, in light of the fact there are numerous examples in Scripture of Jesus making the specific decision to get away from people? To savor and appreciate the stillness. To seek peace and comfort amid the numerous difficulties and challenges he encountered on a daily basis.
Surely, we are no less in need of these moments—even hours or days—when we simply must recognize we are finite beings with limited energy, regardless of our age or state in life.
The situation will vary from person to person, however, a few of the ways we can set healthy boundaries is to limit phone conversations, time spent on social media, or say no to unannounced visitors. If we take some time now and then to examine our choices, we may soon discover which of our actions and behaviors set us up for unwelcome intrusions.
Gates are meaningful and helpful.
Walls and boundaries have a few things in common, however, for either to not have gates has the potential to keep us selfish and self-centered. Likewise, to throw up our hands in frustration and slam the door shut when we reach our boiling point is not Christian either. Human, yes.
By the same token, a few well-placed gates in our personal boundaries will give us the flexibility to be, well flexible. Rather than feel like we’re caught in a trap of another person’s wants, we can rest in the assurance that our gates are meant to be open and closed in accordance with God’s direction and guidance.
Had I listened to the still small voice that nudged me to let a series of phone calls go to voicemail before I responded, I wouldn’t have found myself becoming more and more bitter and resentful toward the perpetrator.
Compassionate, loving Christians need to know both serve purposes for the greater good.
To set and maintain healthy boundaries with gates is our personal responsibility. Other than that, our job is to respect that boundaries are not established to lock people out. Rather, they exist to allow for a mutual exchange of thoughts, ideas, and emotions in a manner and form that contribute to the health and well-being of everyone involved.
Do I have trouble establishing personal boundaries? Why?
Do I tend to resist the need for gates? Why?
Do I feel I can trust God to show me how and when to open the door?
