One day I found myself in an old familiar place. And not a good one. It took me a couple of minutes to realize I had slipped into a people-pleasing thought pattern that was neither healthy or evidence of my trust and love for God.
The details aren’t important because here is the crux of the issue—unhealthy thoughts or emotions that have been around a big part of our life are usually not vanquished or transformed overnight. In many cases, it will take years to cooperate with God’s love, mercy, and grace to allow the Divine to heal us.
And yet, this is not meant to be a downer. Why? The good news is that if we still struggle with certain unloving or self-focused thoughts and feelings after prolonged attempts to change our ways, God is nearby to stick with us through the process.
Our progress may seem minuscule to us. At the same time, rather than focus on the negatives, we need to keep our eyes on Jesus and acknowledge what we have overcome.
. . . It was a matter of minutes when I realized what had happened. Years ago, it would have been hours, often longer, that I muddled around in the mess.
. . . Aware of the self-condemnation that was about to erupt, I quickly turned to the Lord to embrace forgiveness and gratitude as he gently showed me the truth in order to banish the lie. In the old days the personally directed persecution would have been loud and fierce.
. . . Thankful I had trusted God to show me the misstep, I eagerly embraced his love, let go of what had happened, and savored the peace, with him, and within myself.
St. Paul, one of the greatest spiritual teachers and guides of all time, makes several references in Scripture to the challenges he faced to be a man of God. One that has stood out over time, particularly due to a sense of mystery for what he did not say, reads as follows:
“Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to beat me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” [2 Cor. 12:7-10]
There is plenty to reflect upon in these words. In fact, to do so may stir numerous questions we need to take to the Lord in prayer.
Do I have a thorn? What does it mean to be too elated? Was the Lord being harsh in his response? What does it mean to be content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and constraints? What does “when I am weak, then I am strong” mean to me?
Some people refer to a repetitive type of unhealthy, unloving behavior as besetting sin. My sense is that the important thing to remember, regardless of what we name it, is to acknowledge, confess, and repent of these thoughts and feelings, then continue on our journey. God is good, all the time. If we choose this path, he will be faithful to lead and guide us.
