One of the most frequent topics in spiritual direction is emotions. “Why do I feel this way?” “What am I supposed to do with them?” These questions seem more relevant than ever as the days unfold in this year of so much upheaval and unrest.
Before we can answer those two questions we need to take a first step: acknowledge and own that we feel a certain way. For many that’s easier said than done. Which often leads to a sense of bewilderment. “How can I feel angry and still be a good Christian?” “If I were a better Christian wouldn’t these feelings just go away or not appear in the first place?”
For me, there is much comfort in knowing I’m not alone in this struggle. Feelings and emotions were nothing new for Jesus:
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. [Hebrews 4:15]
Now before we throw all our emotions and feelings into a big basket named weakness, let us not forget they have been given to us as gifts by our Creator God. At the same time—as with most things—there are two sides to the issue, both of which must be considered. What can be our greatest weakness can also be our greatest strength.
The emotions that follow are often considered the hard emotions as they can be the most difficult for us to live with in a healthy manner. Which also means they are likely to be the ones we least understand for their potential to build up rather than tear down, others, or ourselves.
Anger, allowed to run amuck, can be as destructive as a forest fire raging out of control. On the other hand, anger, wielded with intention and care, can serve as the fuel to spur us into compassionate action.
Hate, like anger, if allowed to consume our thoughts and being, can destroy with the ferocity of a putrid acid. On the other hand, hate that is grounded in love and tenderness can become the flame that lights the way for the wounded and hurting.
Fear, allowed to dominate and control our thoughts and actions, can be as effective as an impenetrable wall, a self-made prison. On the other hand, fear, wielded with intention and care, can serve as an alert to carefully discern our next step.
Sadness, allowed to take us into a state of despair, can erase our sense of hope, render us incapable of thinking clearly, of taking the smallest step to reach out to others. On the other hand, sadness that is allowed to manifest in an honest expression of tears may be the gift another person needs to feel acceptance and encouragement, to feel safe in expressing their own feelings and emotions.
The emotions that follow are those we would consider positive, or easier to express. Yet for all their goodness, we need to be sensitive to the possibility they too can be misdirected.
Courage, if allowed to flourish, can serve as the foundation for us to persevere, to stay the course, to complete what we know God is calling us to. On the other hand, if allowed to manifest as rigidity and stubbornness can cut us off from those we really care about, in our families, communities, and country.
Hope, if allowed to envelope our feelings, can serve as a deep well of strength from which to draw in times of darkness and discord. On the other hand, hope that closes its eyes to the truth around us can deny the reality of pain and suffering.
Joy, if allowed to be expressed and shared, can be a singular catalyst to motivate us to focus on the light instead of the dark. On the other hand, if being joyful means we are oblivious to the difficulties and challenges in another person’s life, we can come off as disrespectful and superficial.
When we choose to take responsibility for our feelings and emotions, we are not only healthier—physically, emotionally, and intellectually—we become confident, loving, and humble. When we are “similarly tested in every way” we may not be completely sin-less [after all we are not God], however, we will definitely be more Christ-like. And regardless of our religious persuasion or cultural similarities and differences, isn’t that a goal worth our time and attention?
